If Only...

This morning while spending time with the Lord, I read in this little devotional called "Whiter than Snow" by Paul Tripp. I'm on the 9th one. God has gifted him with the incredible ability to write in less than 2 pages something that will rock me to my core. It's unbelievable.

It's all based on Psalm 51, right after David has committed adultery with Bathsheba (who's married to another man). She becomes pregnant and to cover it up he has her husband murdered. Finally, Nathan, a prophet comes to David and pretty much just calls David out for his sin. Psalm 51 is his reponse & confession to God about all that he's done.

Today's reading focused on Psalm 51:5
"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mohter conceive me"

Paul (the author) then goes on to talk about the "if onlys" we as believers make up to excuse our sins or circumstances.
The ones that rang out true for me (ie the ones I've totally used as self justification before) were...

If only God seemed closer to me
If only I knew the Bible better
If only I didn't have to struggle with my finances
If only "this incident" didn't happen.

But then I'm challenged to think of my own. What "if onlys" do I make up...
If only I was skinnier.
If only I had more time
If only "THEY" could just understand.
If only my support was at 100%
If only we lived in a better world
If only I were married.
If only God would tell me where I'm going.


I'll be honest it only took me about 30 seconds to come up with these. I'm sure as I spend more time thinking through these more and more will come out. Some that I might even be ashamed to put up here (more embarassed than I already am). But one thing the Lord is gracious to continue to show me is that as much as it might sting for a bit to bring things into the light.... it's beautiful, it's grace, it's freeing, it's worth it. Yes it's worth it my friends.

Back to the devo. So I'm sitting in Panera thinking of all these "if onlys" thinking yeah these are the reasons why this, that and the other isn't working in my life... these are why I sin. Then Mr. Tripp writes this and yet again I'm humbled....

"None of us has ever lived in ideal circumstances or in perfect relationships. The world is a broken place and we have all been touched in many ways by its brokenness. Yet, the "if onlys" lifestyle tends to say, "MY BIGGEST PROBLEMS IN LIFE EXIST OUTSIDE OF ME AND NOT INSIDE OF ME."

Ummm... hi Lindsey here's a huge piece of humble pie. Yes.

Even "if" all these "if onlys" were taken care of... I would still be full of sin and selfishness. Psalm 51:5 says so.... "I was brought forth in iniquity" (a fancy word for sin). I was sinful before ANY experience or circumstance happened to me.

I am the biggest danger to myself. But praise be to God he offers us the gorgeous promise of his grace which has the power to change us from the inside out!

So yeah... This morning I'm giving God my "if onlys" and asking that He would change them in my mind from excuses to praises. That He is Sovereign and Faithful and completely aware of my "if onlys" and using them to cause me to rely on Him and pursue Him with a Holy fierceness.

Thank you Jesus!